I am unforgiving

forgiveYou see me writing poems, creating fiction or sharing travel stories. But I came across Nitin’s post and something churned in me to write. Its seldom when I invite my readers to my views, not that I am always sitting on fence playing safe but I am that breed that speaks directly from the heart and in this time and age….thats rare…speaking sans diplomacy.

Nitin in his post Is Forgiveness so Difficult?, speaks how forgiveness is a difficult thing to do and how the soul is much lighter when it truly forgives.

In my very long life of experiences I have seen much to really talk of forgiveness. I have seen people turn their backs on me when I needed them the most. I have also seen people dupe me to believe something which on the face of it was untrue. I have had my heart broken over deceit. I have lost loved ones over failed and chicanery relations.

Yes we all know scars remain and time heals everything, I wouldn’t waste a second over something that redundant. I am a believer in Karma and every time I faced something like that I let go thinking one day I will face God and ask him why? I am also a believer of having to pay it here before we leave this world and thus I in my timidity never took things in my hand.

But did that mean I forgave them? Would not forgiving be called selfish? And was that easy? Was I seeking revenge?

I can’t Forgive: Thats where I differed with Nitin’s view, I can’t forgive any wrong done to me. By that it isn’t not returning the INR 20 someone borrowed. It means something that affects my life and turns it into a brouhaha. Why would I forgive…was the act not done in senses? what right did anyone have to cause such pain and harm?

It isn’t Easy: Forgiving is easy, I have never been a person who believed in the word MOVE ON. No I don’t mean that we live in the past and hang on to pain and stop living but if we get into the act of forgiving are we not just taking ourselves so much for granted for anyone to walk over our feelings and cause hurt?

Does anyone really forgive? The answer for me is no. In today’s times. People find several other ways to occupy themselves that just fills the vacuum to call it I FORGAVE. The bricks are welcome but the truth remains. Most of us just fill the gaps left to make ourselves too busy to notice the hurt or wait for time to handle it living it like a slow poison day after day till we get so used to pain that we stop feeling it one day and we call it forgiving.

So how do I survive? Over the years I have mastered the act of talking myself out of such hurt. The idea is not to forgive and I can never forget (I wouldn’t want to forget). I make peace with myself and I have faith, a very strong faith into something beyond God who takes care of things in its own manner. I let it pass, day after day, living the hurt till it leaves a scar but call me small or flawed, I can’t forgive a hurt that destroyed. My heart and mind meet at a common crossroad, a consensus and that gives immense peace. I feel the same as what forgiveness would make me feel. Released of thoughts, no void, no emotion or attachment, no bad tastes, lighter. Yes they have said their sorries and felt it too, accepted but trust totally denied.

Revenge? No. definitely not, I believe we all carry a balance sheet and acts of revenge would just mean adding negatives to it. It would cut short our chance of going up to the entity and asking the WHY question. Revenge is never an answer to things.

Note: It is a very opinionated post, dogmatic you can say. But it does take courage to stand and accept who you are. Also it also depends on each’s experiences in life. We all have seen the acts of Karma and I very recently came across someone who hurt me,  that made me believe what goes around comes around very strong, while I prayed for his life to be full of happiness, somewhere it reinstated the fact that entity balances our deeds and we need to take care of what we do in life to ourselves and others.

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