You see me writing poems, creating fiction or sharing travel stories. But I came across Nitin’s post and something churned in me to write. Its seldom when I invite my readers to my views, not that I am always sitting on fence playing safe but I am that breed that speaks directly from the heart and in this time and age….thats rare…speaking sans diplomacy.
Nitin in his post Is Forgiveness so Difficult?, speaks how forgiveness is a difficult thing to do and how the soul is much lighter when it truly forgives.
In my very long life of experiences I have seen much to really talk of forgiveness. I have seen people turn their backs on me when I needed them the most. I have also seen people dupe me to believe something which on the face of it was untrue. I have had my heart broken over deceit. I have lost loved ones over failed and chicanery relations.
Yes we all know scars remain and time heals everything, I wouldn’t waste a second over something that redundant. I am a believer in Karma and every time I faced something like that I let go thinking one day I will face God and ask him why? I am also a believer of having to pay it here before we leave this world and thus I in my timidity never took things in my hand.
But did that mean I forgave them? Would not forgiving be called selfish? And was that easy? Was I seeking revenge?
I can’t Forgive: Thats where I differed with Nitin’s view, I can’t forgive any wrong done to me. By that it isn’t not returning the INR 20 someone borrowed. It means something that affects my life and turns it into a brouhaha. Why would I forgive…was the act not done in senses? what right did anyone have to cause such pain and harm?
It isn’t Easy: Forgiving is easy, I have never been a person who believed in the word MOVE ON. No I don’t mean that we live in the past and hang on to pain and stop living but if we get into the act of forgiving are we not just taking ourselves so much for granted for anyone to walk over our feelings and cause hurt?
Does anyone really forgive? The answer for me is no. In today’s times. People find several other ways to occupy themselves that just fills the vacuum to call it I FORGAVE. The bricks are welcome but the truth remains. Most of us just fill the gaps left to make ourselves too busy to notice the hurt or wait for time to handle it living it like a slow poison day after day till we get so used to pain that we stop feeling it one day and we call it forgiving.
So how do I survive? Over the years I have mastered the act of talking myself out of such hurt. The idea is not to forgive and I can never forget (I wouldn’t want to forget). I make peace with myself and I have faith, a very strong faith into something beyond God who takes care of things in its own manner. I let it pass, day after day, living the hurt till it leaves a scar but call me small or flawed, I can’t forgive a hurt that destroyed. My heart and mind meet at a common crossroad, a consensus and that gives immense peace. I feel the same as what forgiveness would make me feel. Released of thoughts, no void, no emotion or attachment, no bad tastes, lighter. Yes they have said their sorries and felt it too, accepted but trust totally denied.
Revenge? No. definitely not, I believe we all carry a balance sheet and acts of revenge would just mean adding negatives to it. It would cut short our chance of going up to the entity and asking the WHY question. Revenge is never an answer to things.
Note: It is a very opinionated post, dogmatic you can say. But it does take courage to stand and accept who you are. Also it also depends on each’s experiences in life. We all have seen the acts of Karma and I very recently came across someone who hurt me, that made me believe what goes around comes around very strong, while I prayed for his life to be full of happiness, somewhere it reinstated the fact that entity balances our deeds and we need to take care of what we do in life to ourselves and others.
Wow Shweta the post is so apt for me today atleast.Thanks for inviting me to read this beautifully expressed writing. Yes I am unforgiving some times specially when my dignity and self respect is shaken by some body who means nothing to me. Well done again. Stay blessed.
I exactly know what you are talking about. But did that even matter Jas? I mean so much bother over something that isn’t real 🙁 Happy to liked it 🙂
Can you start forgiving if you keep on repeating the mantra “I don’t give two hoots about who hurts me, I am a bird who would keep soaring high” 🙂
Yes forgiveness is hard to come by
can try but it really is difficult Pranju…some people deserve to be not forgiven.
Yes, its really hard to forgive, forget and just move on. I am not sure, if I am great enough to forgive, but yes, I try not to think and ponder much about it, which makes the hurt bearable. A nice and honest post, Shweta!
it is the thought that doesn’t let us overcome Arun if we could conquer our thoughts it would awesome 🙂
Just Read ur Article.. My review on the way 🙂
#writers_connect
I too find it hard to forgive so i try to forget, cover the bitter with other sweet memories. Very difficult…
that is a very nice way out Indrani…
I liked this candid confessionary write, Shweta!
I agree with you too on many points..
More a reason I do not write such posts Amitji, am so bad at camouflaging my thoughts most come in the form of fiction.
Truth spoken so bluntly. This is called boldness!! Loved it!
thank you Gargi 🙂
I don’t have any qualm in saying that forgiving is the weapon of the weak.
that ultimate courage till the time it doesn’t culminate in revenge.
This is one of the topic where several people have different opinion for sure. But I think it totally depends on the severity and intensity of mistakes. The mistakes which is acceptable is Ok. But the one which is not ok? Blindly forgiving is also not good at all which may lead to mistakes turning out into sins which cannot be absolved. There are times when we forgive but we regret for the same in future. Hitting below the belt is not acceptable. There are few who have the habit of taking U turns when they are required to stand by your side.
Thanks for writing this article which is indeed a great work. “Forget and forgive” , a common phrase used for forgiveness but that is justified only for those mistakes which is really a ” mistake “, not for crimes or sins.
Great work mam. 🙂
Rightly said Ashish it does depend on the intensity of what happened and thus forgiving may be so difficult at times.
A very honest post. It was good knowing your perspective Shweta.
Yes, it indeed takes courage to accept who we are.
and it is also important to realise who we actually are isn’t it Purba….
Nicely said Shweta. Thanks for sharing 🙂
thank you Andy for stopping by …
Forgiving isn’t easy…one never forgets completely either. But to remain positive it is better to seal the deal with some rapprochement. Shweta, you writing is clear and precise about your feelings and relatable too. Nice to read your views.
thank you Bushra for accepting my point of view too along with others…..remaining positive is the key so rightly said.
Shweta, I have backtracked from that position as I have grown older, perhaps I have mellowed and prefer peace over resentment. That said, it all depends on the act of commission or omission, the severity or audacity of the offence. I cannot forgive rapists, murderers, acid-throwers, BMW-crazed killers, and above all, the terrorists. They should be all dealt with swiftly and equally brutally. As for the backstabbers and the malignant catchpennies, and trolls, I might add, ignoring them is the key. Allow me to quote Oscar Wilde: “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”
Really appreciate your thoughts and this comment….you sharing your experience from aggressive unforgiving to peace adds a lot of value to my thoughts. yes it so depends on what the crime is but even socially or on softer issues some acts can never be let gone.
A straight from the heart and honest piece. I do believe that I (perhaps even many of us) will concur with many of the points you have mentioned. That said, no doubt forgiveness as a voluntary act is very difficult but I feel that humans are wired to naturally ‘forgive’ over time – time is the greatest healer and our greatest gift is the ability to forget. That is why even though we may know, friends will hurt, lovers will scar, yet we make friends, fall in love over and over again. Like it or not, believe it or not we do forgive our spouses, our children, our parents, friends – that is what you term as ‘making peace’. Of course some betrayal’s some hurts run deep and take years to heal – forgive, forget and move on – but in the long run these are what builds our character, makes us what we are and reveals depths to ourselves what we would otherwise not have even been aware of. I hope I have not overstepped any boundaries and neither did I mean to preach. Have a peaceful day 🙂
so beautifully put that such experiences in the end make our character….these would be learnings and if we forget them what did we learn….i would choose to forgive but forget would interrupt my learning.
Not too sure of this one – I do think it is easy for me to forgive but by doing so, I completely let go of the person, emotion or anything to do with him/her. I will continue to stay in touch but may become just neutral to the person – as in neither hate nor like the person. I just cease caring. Does that mean I have not forgiven? No, I think I have but once bitten, twice shy. I do believe it makes me lighter and I definitely do feel good about myself.
indifference is the byproduct of hurt Ami and a better way out but that indifference will always remind you of the happening thus where does forgetting come in….
Very well said Shweta!!! Its hard to forgive, forget and move on!!! But I feel forgiving and letting go is more important for our internal wellbeing than of others!!! Holding a grudge in our hearts only makes it harder to move on in life!!!
this is totally agree…..growing negativity or hurt will never let us believe in new relationships positively Sneh…so agree.
Much respect for this andid confession , my dear.
And I agrre I sail in the same boat too.
then it makes the two of us Roma….
Different from your usual writings but I liked it !! You have put it nicely . Even if we forgive somethings can never be the same.
yes Sweta, very different from the usual…Nitin’s post triggered a lot of things inside to write this straight of heart…
Forgiveness is not very difficult if you can really soar higher than the ordinary thinking. God can forgive because he sees more clearly and comprehensively than others, as François Mauriac said.
By the way, I am a nonbeliever and I don’t find it easy to forgive. But I try my best to understand. That makes life easier.
you have put two perspectives here…one the ideal one and second realistic….and realistically it is very difficult to let go….but yes looking at it from a bigger picture of a canvas of life it may be beneficial to just let go…
Very true and so aptly put Shweta. I also find it difficult to forgive. Earlier I used to firmly believe in “Dont forgive and Dont let the other person forget”! But now, I try to forget and forgive, though it takes time, I must admit.
Kudos to an honest post Shweta!
Me too Rashmi…but I would rather choose indifference over forgetting….uproot the existence of the person from your life and erase the happening in your head….it would be easier…
It is easy to preach but hard to do. Nicely written the truth.
thank you Vikash…
I don’t forgive either when people take me for granted and do stupid things to me. I try to be as reasonable as possible, but only up to a certain extent – then it asks for my urgent attention!
that is a very disciplined approach but what happens when the matter is related to a closed on…a matter of heart Alok? Can we still have a step approach…
This is an amazingly honest post Shweta. I’m with you all the way. In fact, if you read my post on forgiveness you will see that I have the same take on forgiveness that you do. Really enjoyed reading this.
I am keen to read your post on the topic (if i haven’t yet)…..some people are just made that way…
I think you when you actually think of forgiving somebody or if you are wondering whether you should forgive somebody or not, it seems like a difficult thing to do. But then, I also think we forgive more than we give ourselves credit for. Whether we forgive or not, ‘forgetting’ about it is next to impossible.
I find that (for me) it is difficult to forgive someone in those cases when I’m definite they will do the same thing again. 😐
first is to forgive the act….which might be big and then comes the person…..very well said Dee…
Splendid post ! Simply adorable. Yes, forgiving is easier said than done. And the thoughts expressed by you are agreeable in toto. The apologizing guilty can be given but not trusted anymore. But the thing (which is much more bitter) is that most of the guilty don’t even apologize because they never realize what kind of wrong they have done. Hence they do not deserve any kind of forgiveness too.
Compliments for this completely honest expression of yourself. At least in this context, I am in your league. Hyopcrisy is not my cup of tea either.
Jitendra Mathur